Who Needs Air Page 15

  “He’s probably just embarrassed.”

  I shrug. “Maybe, but he was my friend. He needs to get his shit together.”

  Whitley laughs. “Men…”

  “Are maddening.”

  “Not that one, though.” She juts her chin toward August.

  He’s wearing deep blue jeans today, the dark black t-shirt such a blatant contrast to his skin. He pushes his long hair out of his face, and, as if he can feel me, he turns his eyes to find mine. Smiling, he mouths, “Hi.”

  I wave and feel my stomach flutter. “He’s pretty great.”

  August places his hand on the director’s arm to interrupt their conversation and then jogs toward us, stopping in front of me. “Hi.” He bends down, placing his lips on mine.

  My hands clench the chair and I feel his hand fall to my thigh. His tongue swipes mine and he pulls away, a lazy grin on his face.

  Whitley shakes her head, silently clapping. “You guys…”

  “Hush,” August and I say at the same time.

  We all laugh.

  “We have a few scenes to shoot today,” August says, taking a seat next to me, lacing our hands together. “You want to stay and watch?”

  My eyes light up. “I do.”

  This makes him happy. “Good. It’s the scene from the library.”

  Air stops in my throat. “The scene?”

  August smiles.

  “Is…are Jennings and Sophia okay with me watching?” I turn to Whitley. “Are you okay with me watching?” My voice screeches and Whitley throws her head back and laughs.

  “You’re literally the only person on this planet who I’m okay with seeing this scene. It’s your scene, Cam. Of course I’m okay with it.”

  I attempt a smile, but oh sweet baby Jesus, I feel like I might throw up.

  I mean, sure, the entire world is eventually going to watch it but I thought I still had time. Is it going to be painful? Oh God, it’s going to be excruciating. It might physically hurt me to watch.

  August moves out of his seat and stands in front of me. Bending down, he looks me dead in the eye. “You okay?”

  My knees bounce and I force a grin. “Yeah.” Holy crapkittens, what was I thinking coming on the day of the sex scene? I was so awkward back then.

  Though Somewhere Only We Know is considered young adult, the movie is being created for older audiences. Broadening their viewers, I suppose. I get it. Sure, August and I were eighteen when we lost our virginity to each other, and Sophia and Jennings still look like damn teenagers with the right makeup, but whoa.

  Way to welcome me to the set, guys!

  August kisses my forehead and makes his way off stage, somewhere I can’t see, and I breathe out of my nose.

  “It won’t be too bad. Filming a scene isn’t nearly as hot as it looks on screen,” Whitley promises, seeing my hesitation. “Ask any actor and they’ll tell you this is the most uncomfortable part of the job. I know for a fact Jennings wants to make this as perfect as possible for you and August. He’s taken it upon himself to make sure. They made him a producer, you know?”

  That perks me up. “They did? Whitley, that’s so great.”

  Whitley bobs her head. “He was pretty excited. So don’t worry. It’ll be textbook.”

  “It was very emotional at the time, you know? I mean, they’re adults in the movie but in the book – in real life – we were just barely old enough to vote. We were just beginning to understand our love for each other.”

  “I think everyone on set knows how important this part of the story is.” She places her hand on my arm. “Breathe.”

  I do as she says and my body softens in the chair.

  “Didn’t think you’d come to set to see sex, did ya?” She winks, laughing under her breath.

  I give her side eyes and watch as they put the finishing touches on the set. Bringing in the stacks of books and blankets for the ground. It’s almost two hours later by the time they’re finished and Jennings walks in from hair and makeup, dressed in denim jeans and a band t-shirt.

  He kisses Whitley, and then smiles at me when they break apart. “Hey, Cam. Ready for today?”

  I laugh, feeling better now. I’ve had time to calm down and I’m a little excited. August stopped by a bit ago and talked me down, which helped. “Is everyone worried about me?”

  Jennings mouth turns down and he shakes his head. “Nah. It’ll be good. I just gotta make sure nothing slips out.”

  Whitley laughs and smacks him on the stomach. “Shut it.”

  “Will something slip out?” I ask, mortified, clutching my non-existent pearls.

  Jennings bends backward, holding his stomach as he laughs. “No, crazy. Everything is fully intact. I’m just messing with you.”

  “Jerk,” I mutter under my breath and the two of them laugh at my gullible ass.

  “Is this okay?” I asked Brooke, nervously eyeing the stack of blankets on the ground. The receptionist left the library an hour ago and gave me the key to close up. Both Brooke and I worked there so it wasn’t completely out of the norm for us to lock the place up after her.

  Brooke blinked, a tear falling down her face. “It’s…it’s perfect, Rush.”

  It wasn’t as if I was offering her the world – hell, I didn’t have much to my name. I only had the smallest of space filled with borrowed things, but what I had was enough. I was enough.

  Taking her hands, I led her to the blankets just behind the architecture section and brought her to the ground with me.

  “You’ve been the most important thing to me since I was thirteen, Brooke. I know this is a huge step for us.” I stopped, my voice shaking.

  Unlike our classmates, both of us were still virgins. It wasn’t hard to keep abstinent when you’re young and terrified of getting pregnant. We were eighteen and our parents knew we were serious. In our time together, we’d built something incredibly special. So, when we brought it up to them, Brooke’s mom immediately put her on birth control and my dad bought me enough condoms to supply all of our home state of Georgia.

  “This isn’t just…” I swallow, my mouth feeling dry. “This isn’t just sex for me.”

  Brooke nodded.

  I put my hand on the back of her neck and guided her forehead to mine, and I felt electric when our skin touched. “I’m going to marry you. I’m going to write this book, we’re going to leave this town behind and we’re going to have a family. What we’re about to do is big, but it’s also my promise.”

  A tear rolled down her cheek and I pulled off her glasses.

  “I love you,” I said, kissing her with every ounce of emotion I could muster – which was all I had because everything I felt for her was laid right here in front of us.

  “I love you too, Rush.”

  “Cut!” Curtis, the director, yells, snapping me out of my haze.

  I blink a few times, moisture on my face. “Holy…” I look to August sitting in his chair next to the director. His smile reaches his eyes as he watches the playback. He points to the screen noting something and when he’s done he turns his eyes on me. He winks and gets right back to business.

  “Right?” Whitley agrees, smiling broadly.

  “They’re amazing,” I say, gesturing at Sophia and Jennings, lying on the floor in their makeshift bed. They haven’t filmed the actual sex scene yet and I already know it’s going to be electric, much like it was – still is – with August. Suddenly, I want to be here every day from now on, watching my story come to life. I want to witness it as it’s implanted on a film reel. August’s words and the actors’ abilities bringing the story to life has me on a high I never want to come down from.

  Why did I wait so long to see this?

  Whitley drums her fingers on the chair. “It’s always like this. Don’t they have ridiculous chemistry?”

  I stare, stunned. “I want to watch them forever.”

  “You get to live this every day, Cam.”

  My stomach flurries and I suddenly feel
like waiting all these years to be with August, silently hoping he’d come back, was because I needed to feel this way in this very moment. I don’t know if I could have appreciated this had I not gone through the last five years.

  Maybe my heartbreak didn’t break me. Maybe my heartbreak was a lesson I needed to learn before I could truly love.

  I smile and look down at my knotted hands. “Can I tell you something? It sounds ridiculous and silly, but I have to tell someone.”

  Whitley bounces in her seat and I turn my head toward her. Her gray eyes light up as she says, “Good God, yes.”

  Softly shaking my head, with a pensive expression, I say, “It almost seems too good to be true.”

  “What does?”

  I pull on my pearl earring. “Being with August. We were together all that time when we were young and then had this long break. Now, we’re back together, and things just seem too…perfect.” I hate that I used that word. It almost feels like I’m shooting myself in the foot, putting that kind of nonsense into the world.

  “And?”

  “And,” I say, taking a deep breath, “I’m scared it’ll all go away.”

  Whitley puts her hand on my arm, her fingers squeezing with a gentle touch. “I was that way with Jennings, too,” she admits with a crease in her brow. “Actually, I still kind of am. He’s far too good for me.”

  “Hush,” I scold with a hard look.

  She laughs. “Once we got through the bullshit, he just became this absolutely wonderful man. Caring and thoughtful. My ex-boyfriend was nothing like him.” She laughs. “I still have to stop myself from comparing the two.”

  Restless, I stretch out my legs.

  “He’s with you because he loves you, Cam.”

  “I know, but the past is a finicky asshole that won’t stop tapping on my subconscious.”

  “Because he left?”

  I feel my throat closing in on me. “Yeah, and it wasn’t even his fault entirely. Watching this,” I sprawl my hands in front of me, indicating the movie, “my feelings have intensified tenfold.” We’ve only been back together a short amount of time and I can already tell I’m in far too deep. I’m buried under the sand and I’m not even struggling for air.

  “You’re older. You’re more capable of feelings you couldn’t even fathom back then,” Whitley offers with the shrug of her shoulder. “You have to remind yourself that no one else can give him what you have.”

  “What’s that?”

  “A beautiful story.”

  I find August again, staring intently at the screen in front of him. The director claps him on the shoulder, says something into his ear and then walks away.

  Whitley stands up, letting me know she’s going to go talk to Jennings and waves at August as he passes her, making his way to me.

  He smiles, sitting down in Whitley’s chair. Grabbing my hand, he catches our fingers together and brings my hand to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on my skin. Tingles break out all over my arm and it’s in that instant I know whatever we have, no matter how terrifying, is worth every ounce of fight I have in me.

  Like a Cat On A Tin Roof

  Have you ever felt like you’re running on stolen time? Kind of like you know if you look down at your watch, you’ll see that your day in the sun is up? I hate that I feel like that.

  Maybe it’s because the paparazzi found out about August and I. They’ve been relentless the past week. A station has been camped outside of my apartment for two days now and I have to conduct evasive maneuvers whenever August or I have to leave.

  Thankfully, I hired my security guard’s brother, Joseph, to go out with me.

  Wait, let me rephrase that, August hired him because he was worried about me.

  The day the story broke, a couple of paps ran me off the road.

  “You think they’re going to stop now that they know about us?” August had said that day after I returned home all flushed and shaky. I didn’t even have time to tell him the frightening details – the story broke before I stepped through the door. I walked into the apartment and August looked like a cat on a tin roof. Anxious and nervous.

  I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked down. I wasn’t naïve, even if we did deny our relationship like his publicist told us to, they weren’t done with digging for information.

  So, I sat down at my dining room table and clasped my hands together. “Then what do we do?” If they were going to wage war, I was going to fight back. I wanted to be equipped with every possible weapon in my arsenal.

  August didn’t even blink. “We hire a security team.”

  “An entire team? That seems a bit rash, August.”

  He huffed and made his way to me, kissing the top of my head. His hand fell to my shoulder and he squeezed. My hand immediately went to his. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.” His tone was so earnest; I would have sworn he was about to tear up.

  Though I knew his heart was in the right place, armed guards with guns following me around would only bring more interested eyes my way.

  I turned my head and looked up at him. “What if I hire Joseph? He told me the night of the reveal that he was looking for more work.”

  “He’s a good man,” August agreed with a tight smile. “It’s worth a shot.”

  It wasn’t until then that I began to feel the crushing burden.

  “Hey,” August says, breaking through my recollection from last week. His hand lands on my chin to turn my eyes toward him. “What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”

  “A lot.”

  August sighs and then laughs gently. “That’s nothing new. Want to talk about it?”

  A heaviness cascades over my body and I turn my head to look at him. His light hair has fallen into his eyes, the pillow lazily hugging his face. He’s so radiant early in the morning. Five o’clock shadow and bright blue eyes. They shine like a clear spring day just after the rain. His smile is gentle and content; I love knowing I put it there.

  Was it really only a couple months since Beau was sharing this same spot with me? It already feels like a lifetime ago that this intimacy existed with anyone else.

  Chest bare, my white sheets hug his waist and I can’t stop my hand from falling to August’s abdomen. “Things have changed so drastically,” I begin. “The movie is almost over and then what’s going to happen?”

  August shifts, sliding his left hand behind his head and his right falls onto mine. “That’s up to us, Belle.”

  “We’re going to do long distance?”

  “Is that what you want to do?” he turns it back on me.

  Do I want to do long distance? Hell no.

  I feel my eyebrows pull in. “I think it’s more complicated than doing long distance. You’re going to be promoting the movie when the time comes. How long will that take?”

  August recoils. “I don’t know.”

  “Will I just stay here in Georgia? You live in New York. Your publishing house is there. You have to finish your book. Going back and forth will wear on you.” It hurts to say the words, but I also think they need to be said.

  He stays silent, considering what to say next. His fingers play with the top of my hand, tracing circles, tapping the skin. Blowing his cheeks out, he releases the air. “I couldn’t, for the life of me, remember the sound of your laugh,” he says, turning away. His fingers stop drumming and my forehead wrinkles. What is he talking about? “I’d search for it. I’d walk around the city. Sit in coffee shops and hope I’d hear something like it.” He looks back to me. “I’d even go to movies just to see if I could find someone with a laugh like yours. Every day without you was another day lost, and every day, that sound became fainter and fainter.”

  He’s out of breath and his hand trembles when it falls back on mine. Like he’s lost – or surrendered – some battle.

  I hiccup, feeling the threat of emotions clawing their way up my throat.

  “I don’t ever want that to happen again, Belle.” He turns on h
is side, cupping the side of my face. “That feeling, that crushing, suffocating sensation of not being able to remember, it’s one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced.” He smiles, but it’s sad. “I’ve lost you, and I know what anguish feels like. I’m not doing it again. So, you tell me what you want and we’ll do it.”

  A tear falls out of my lid and he catches it with his thumb. “I want to be with you.”

  The smile that overtakes his face is one I’ve only seen once before. “Good.”

  “You think I could find an appraising job in New York?” I ask, looking at him through my lashes. My dream has been to work at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for as long as I can remember. I’d probably keel over and die if I got hired there.

  August’s eyes light up and he rises on his elbow, moving his hand from my face. “Wait. Does…does that mean you’d move?”

  I shrug, acting nonchalant but totally freaking out inside. I slide on my side to face him. “It could be kind of great, actually. Mom will have a cow, but it’s not that far away. We could fly her out whenever she wanted, and we could come back here to visit often.” I smile, feeling a new sense of giddy. “Lily would love coming to the city.”

  She’s wanted to move there for a while now, but I think leaving her family has always held her back. This would be a good excuse for her.

  He shakes his head, in shock or delight, I don’t know. “You’re going to uproot your entire life.” He laughs under his breath, his eyes falling to our hands that have somehow become entwined in the middle of us. “For me.”

  “You’re everything, August.”

  His eyes become intense and he brings his hand up my arm, his fingertips gently tracing the goose bumps along the way. Stopping at my clavicle, my body habitually scoots closer to him, feeling his hot skin against mine. His chest bumps mine, our breaths coming out in unison. My nipples pucker at the small contact.

  My hand falls to his hip and I skirt it up his stomach, loving the way the muscles constrict and contort under my fingertips. He moans, his head dropping back. With tender hands, I use my fingernails and drag them back down to his length. Hard, he trembles under my touch, jutting his hips toward my hand.